The Martha Stewart Effect
As I settle into full-time motherhood, I find myself over compensating for lost time and pushing Martha Stewart behavior. I have been called out on this a few times. The verdict is not out if I should be embarrassed or proud of this new title. I have yet to decipher if I hear a hint of wistfulness in my friends voices or is it really sheer pity?
Valentine’s day is a prime example of my conversion. In the past when I was working, I would run to Target at the last-minute and scramble to get the Valentines completed the night before. There was always a fight and a lot of tears shed because any mother who followed this same strategy knows that there are slim pickings of Valentine’s at the final hour. Last year I was lucky to find one box of Ninjago Valentines, but because there was not enough cards in one box, I had to buy Hello Kitty Valentines. I sold it to my son that he could give the Hello Kitty Valentines to the girls, but he was not happy. I think his exact words were “there is no way I am writing my name on some girly valentine”. I know there was a lot of bribery involved to get him to pass these out.
This year I took it to an all new Martha Stewart level. Let’s start with the trip to Target in January. Yes, I know, I have already impressed you. First, did you know it can get really expensive to act like Martha Stewart, especially when you are no longer working? At Target, I was drawn to a glass heart canister for Valentine candy. Mistake number 1. The canister which I chose to fill with candy hearts dressed up the counter immediately. The boys were so excited, I let them each take a couple of hearts and read the words as part of our Valentine fun. That evening my husband laid into me about the sugar in the candy hearts and I was just asking for cavities. Of course, I told him to relax, they are only having one or two, lighten up! It was only a week into my candy heart display that the boys were taking more than one or two heart candies. However, the future trip to the dentist was not my immediate pressing concern. It was leaving out candy hearts on a counter with easy access during the longest month of the year when it is too cold to do anything but stay inside the house for hours on end. The sugar high and wrestling matches that resulted were enough to teach me my lesson.
After the candy fiasco, I concentrated my Valentine efforts on creating a Mindcraft Valentine box, glitter glue Valentines cards, and a bevy of crafts that would be considered a bit over the top by any normal mother.
There have been other instances of Martha Stewart behavior. For the 100 day of school project, I caught myself spending too much time on Pinterest and bought 100 googly eyes to celebrate the day. On a Sunday afternoon, I found myself using a hot glue gun that I recently purchased and glue gunning 100 googly eyes of all shapes and sizes. I am embarrassed (or proud?) to admit that the glue gun purchase was to create my son’s Halloween costume from scratch when I made him a life-size Lego brick costume.
The Martha Stewart effect has carried over into other areas of my life. I suddenly have a passion for creating stews and soups from scratch. This is coming from a girl who cannot do anything without a recipe. There has been at least two times in the past month that I have whipped up homemade chicken noodle soup from scratch and used leftovers to create some fancy stew. I am buying organic carrots, and stocking onions and celery in my refrigerator. I don’t cook, my husband cooks gourmet meals. I am reading Better Homes and Gardens. There is something seriously wrong with this picture.
Is it possible that I have been converted? Martha Stewart mothers make me physically ill (don’t take offense, I just didn’t think I had it in me), I cannot possibly have become one in 8 months. As I start to panic that this transformation may be occurring, I still don’t think I could master a “Martha Stewart Living” craft and I did complain about the glue gun glue stuck to my fingers so perhaps there is still hope for me. The test will come this Spring if I suddenly have the desire to start gardening with real bugs and bees in sweaty outdoor conditions.
If it goes this route, please tell me a support group exists for this type of behavior.
AccountExecTurnedMommy 